Monday, June 15, 2009

Those Breakthrough Moments

“When did things finally shift for you?” I asked her.

“When I saw my four year old playing with the phone,” she replied. “She likes to act grownup and talk on the phone even if nobody is on the other line. She will mimic me, what I say and even my tone of voice.”

Tears welled up in her eyes as she continued. “So my little girl, she says into the phone, I am sick and tired of living this way! It is not right for you to control my life. I do not want to live in fear every day.”

“Then I saw – then I knew – if my little four-year-old is repeating what she sees me say every day, what kind of affect is it having on her?”

She buried her head in her hands, sobbing: guilt was pouring over her. We assured her that what had happened was not her fault and coming for help was the best thing she could do. Leaving her abuser could be the beginning of a brand new life.

I am fascinated by the things that bring sudden insight – the “breakthrough moments” that are the spark in someone’s decision to profoundly change their life. Sometimes these moments might seem, to a casual observer, to be completely innocuous, but to the person for whom it happens, it may be life changing.

I recall a conversation I had with a man who once worked for me. He was in his mid-forties, in recovery from substance abuse. He had left behind a lifetime of minor crimes to become a respected counselor in my drug treatment program. I asked him about his breakthrough moment.

“It was the day I went into a bagel shop and asked for a donut”, he said. “I didn’t know the difference between a bagel and a donut, and when the lady behind the counter corrected me, and when I saw the laughter on the faces of everyone in the shop, I realized for the first time that I really didn’t know anything.”

He paused to reflect back on that moment.

“It swept over me like a lightning bolt. All those years, I was a know-it-all, I was smarter than everybody else; I had all the answers I needed to get by. And in that moment, I saw the truth: that I was forty years old with nothing to show for myself. I couldn’t even tell the difference between a bagel and a donut. I decided then and there that I needed to humble myself and accept the possibility that maybe the people trying to help me knew a lot more than I did about how to live a successful life.”

Raum Emmanuel has said, “One should never waste a good crisis”. That is our business at Homestretch – turning crisis into opportunity, helping people fundamentally change their lives for the better. Thank God for those breakthrough moments.

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